“The strife is o’er, the battle done. The victory of life is won.”
by the Right Reverent Thomas Clark Ely, Bishop of Vermont
Mountain Echo
April 2006

When the call came from my sister on Monday, February 27, that my mom had died, the words of the Easter hymn—“The Strife is O’er”—flowed from my heart and lips and through the tears in my eyes. Our return to Vermont the day before meant that I would not likely be present when my mom died. Even at that, we thought she still had a few more days to go, since we had just placed her in hospice care, but that was not the case. Here’s what I wrote to my colleagues in the House of Bishops the day my mom died:

Shirley Marie Parker Ely (age 80) died this morning around 11:00 A.M. in the hospice unit of Norwalk Hospital (Norwalk, CT). She had been struggling since September with a number of health issues and went back into the hospital last week. Things quickly went down hill. Ann and I spent the weekend in Norwalk visiting with Mom and the rest of the family. We came home to Vermont last night (Sunday), thinking that there were a few more days of waiting. Things changed overnight as she became very congested and her breathing labored. Medication was increased to keep her comfortable, and she died peacefully, with my dad, my sister, one of my brothers and other family from Norwalk at her side. The parish priest had just brought communion and said the prayers at the time of dying, when Mom opened her eyes, looked at my dad, closed her eyes, took a couple of breaths and died. The wake will be Thursday in Norwalk and the liturgy at Grace Episcopal Church on Friday. Easter triumph, Easter Joy!

Many of you reading this have experienced the sorrow of loss in your life. Some of you were not as fortunate as I in having the gift of time to spend with a loved one before their death. Some of you were. I am grateful that I was given that gift. In reflecting upon the gift that my family and I were given as we walked the journey from life to death to new life with Mom, I’ve noticed three ways in which God and God’s grace have been particularly present to me. Since my mom died just before Ash Wednesday, I’ve been thinking and praying about this presence of God quite a bit through the weeks of Lent, including at the recent House of Bishops’ meeting when one of the questions for the “reconnection” conversation we do at our table groups the first day was, “In what ways has God been particularly present to you in these past few weeks?”

The first “notice” of God’s presence in all of this was in being with Mom and our family, first through the difficult days of health care decisions, then in those last few days with her in which we said our good-byes and our thank-yous, and finally in the days that followed as we made preparations and consoled one another. I have a fairly large family, and as all four generations gathered to weep and laugh, to mourn and remember, to connect and to celebrate, the presence of God and God’s grace was there in all its mystery and in all its joy. No one event stands out from another; rather it was in the collective whole of that sacred time and complexity of relationships, responses, emotions and engagements that God and God’s grace were present to me.

The second “notice” of God’s presence to and for me was in the pastoral care and liturgy of the church. It was wonderful just to be able to lean on the church I love and serve and that my mom loved and served so faithfully all her life. The care of priest and community for Mom and all our family was deep and abundant. The liturgy celebrating her life and ministry and the “giving her over” to the love of God’s tender care and mercy was all that it is “supposed” to be. The community gathered from near and far to pray the prayers, sing the hymns, break the bread and share the cup. Those who could not be there in person were there in spirit. As is so often the case, God’s grace and presence were profoundly manifest in the ministry of the church.

The third “notice” of God’s presence and grace came, and continues to come, in all the cards, letters, e-mails, phone calls, flowers, memorial contributions, as well as in words spoken, hugs given and stories shared. It is quite wonderful to be surrounded by so great a company of loving, caring people who take the time to share a word of consolation, hope, or concern. The people of Vermont and beyond have been so generous in the offerings of their expressions of love. There is no way to respond to you all, except to say that I have read every word sent to me and will continue to read and read them again and again, because I know they come from your heart to mine and to the heart of my family.

In all of this, I am struck by how deeply incarnational all these expressions of God and Grace really are. Indeed, I know that for Mom, “The strife is o’er, the battle done. The victory of life is won.” I anticipate that this Easter season will hold a special place in my life for years to come. I thank God for all the moments of grace that have been and continue to be part of this season of my life. I thank God for my mom and the beautiful, courageous and faithful way she lived and died. And I thank God for the community of faith that surrounds me and shares its love with such grace and abundance.

With deep affection and gratitude,
+Thomas